Now this woman is expecting us to resolve her issues. If I were you, I would be humble enough to apologize to my son. We didn't feel like celebrating. My son was with a girl we did not approve of and he even planned on marrying her. You had the right to deny access to your basement, but other than that, are you friendly or cordial to his girlfriend? Period. It's hard not to mother our children, even if only in tone of voice and energy. This is my first post and I'm really hoping for some advice. So I said, okay.. Because when she knows this, she'll do anything to make you happy in return even if that means accepting the new love of your life. Needs to argue constantly. The final nail in that relationship was ahe cheated on him with his best friend! No bad-mouthing, no cursing, no anger. She didn't say anything at the time. bingskee from Quezon City, Philippines on July 10, 2010: though i find it funny that a hub will be discussing something about this, i find the tips very useful as well. What d you do in this case ? The other day I ran into the mother of my middle son's former girlfriend. Redirecting to /talk/behaviour_development/a1209810-Sons-girlfriend-doesnt-say-hello-to-me-or-my-wife-when-she-comes-to-our-home. Even if these feelings come from good intentions, mothers would be well advised to use care in their interactions with their childrens dates since it's possible for the relationship to become long-term. "Do you think she'll make a good mother to your children?" Do not allow these children to move in because of the support factor and that her family has already made the statement that he would abuse the kids. "She might have been born poor but that made her humble unlike the other women I've met who are materialistic and vain. she is very disrespectful called me a bitch to my face, has went off on me in my home, has called my husband a motherfucker to his face and has changed my son for the worse. Your son reacts negatively or flinches in her presence. This can be more difficult for the parent than it is for the child, but here are some ways to make it easier for everyone. It is natural for a mother to feel territorial. Are you protesting this relationship? Parents may see through their sons girlfriend, but there are other red flags keep an eye on. My son now knows this and will never let love for a girlfriend break our relationship. It is important to have cell phone rules for kids. What change they would like in their life at the moment. It seems that the more I took his side or stood up for myself, I was no longer useful to either one. She has had very bad comments that show that she disapproves of our relationship in front of family members and others. Indeed, it must be very difficult for you to witness the neglect of your grandchild. Invasive or insensitive questions about the relationship, her personal life, or her background. Always have an open door to your home and heart. And instead of providing your opinions, point out the indisputable facts. She has placed a huge wedge between us. He doesn't have to meet your approval or work against it. My ex-husband and I have both assisted my son during the custody battle with financial matters. Bless you cecgggceekac. Asks them questions about how they feel about their situation. She's 17. Especially when my son's ex-gf came to me and told me how much she missed him and loved him. As much as it hurts, you are all not alone in your situations. Because it seems odd that you don't mind if she calls your father a motherf*##* or yells at me. We both enjoyed the same things and had so much to talk about, we became friends pretty quickly before that and it just kinda spiraled into us dating. I can't help but think that your son isn't capable of making sound decisions for himself let alone his son. It's been a year now that I noticed this one girl, I think she's 15 or 16 yrs old, always come to our house to pet my dog. The highs, the lows. Now me and my husband because we do not approve. Re-establish your bond with them. However, this shouldnt deter you from educating him about healthy relationships, especially if you have the feeling that my sons girlfriend is manipulative. Parenting reaches a whole new level of complications when your precious little boy becomes aware of their sexual feelings. I tried to talk to my son several times but he brushed me off. And in our case, my son wouldn't go to counseling so we had to provide a little for him through our our heartfelt communication. What occurred next is when I saw my son next I pointed out the stains and explained what I had to do. I have addressed this too asking him to look after his body as it also makes me very allergic when even clothing is brought into the house with nicotine traces. Now mind you this girl is wayy better looking than your . 6. My son has turned all care of my grandson over to her and she is neglecting him horribly. My adult son's girlfriend never goes home she sits in his bedroom all day smoking while he's at work she's lazy and doesn't clean up after herself she pays no money towards bills. When he says he wants to go and live with his dad, don't panic and see this as a reflection . He goes to college and comes home. I've never been invited into the house, I have to sit in the car on the side of the road. Your email address will not be published. I felt like I was babysitting a 26 year old child. We need to question why this girl attracts him. Your son is always a victim of the blame game. Scarlet and I do not speak. He might not missing out on anything at all. She hasn't wanted to get to know our family from the beginning. He might see himself as your child when with you and with her, he is completely different. 7. I wish you success in this. She and he will hear about it, and then the honeymoon is over. The other family has total control over him and we do not know what to do either, but I have to thank God he is alive and we have still opportunities , as little as they may be, to talk to him nd let him know we love him. My son is mixed up with a true bitch! We ask them to come in to discuss this and the mother will not even sit down. However, when viewed through your son's eyes, you're disapproving of his relationship with the girl he loves. Kids don't realize that hearts do mend. Accepting. The human family is like a wolf pack. Well actually, our dog was my son's gift from us. I have proof that this girl was a stripper and a prostitute! At 18, he has the right to live as he chooses. This again caused her to put new demands. I was sick. Its easy for you to recognize when another person is taking advantage of your loved one. You've set down solid foundations for him, and he is branching out and experimenting with his freedom. So I told my husband about it, he comfronted my boy and he said, Yes, the girl came to my house but only help him clean his room and did the laundry. He is going to hang on until she or he discover that there is more out there than each other. They have been together for1 year. You see he is rescuing her from anxiety depression and anorexia, due to his EQ. Because we only have his best interests at heart. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content. I'm not in the position that I can feed him, her, her 2 stoner teens & young daughter. The first relationship she tore apart was he and his 1st girlfriend. A monkey with a banana ran up and grabbed one of my kitties, slung him under its arm and ran away. Your sweet, humble wife will not be threatened by it and your mother's insecure ego will be soothed. That is no small thing and in fact, can still save him. Anything I say or do is considered wrong and I no longer know how to behave . Try to treat him like the independent young man he has become. He told her and then called me later to tell me that she was highly offended and never wanted me to do their laundry again and that all of that clothing belonged to her son. A theme like yours with a few simple tweeks would really make my blog stand out. When she went to get the other child, her family would not let her take the older child. They will become co-dependent. Good luck. My son learned and is so much wiser and stronger for it. Ask Amy: I don't like my son's girlfriend. Just love your son so he will never forsake you for anyone. He will want to make his "own" decisions. I didn't critize her when she relayed through my son, how mean it was of me to overlook doing something for her to celebrate her first mother's day. She is a sad mixed up little kid who turned 18 yesterday but has been living a life of an 18 year old for two years anyway. She met him during his LAST semester of college and moved into his small dorm (apt) room in an apt that 3 other young men shared. What is it like there? As if the first meeting wasn't bad, within two weeks of moving in, she was begging to have his baby. My son is 16 and his girlfriend is 17. I have not said anything critical of her until a few days ago which was after his telling me that she was now claiming all the new clothing purchased for her baby who is now 9 months old. When is your birthday? Her parents don't care what they do. So my question is, what should I do? Did you criticize them a lot? Not once did she bring her children and to be honest, she was not allowed. On occasion when I see her, I am always the one to say hello (I was raised right). She is very controlling and walks around like she is better than us or above us. Do you still talk to your son and express that his family loves and misses him? Normally, I don't feel that I would be so hard on a girl but this woman has a lot of gall!! There is a Japanese proverb that goes, "Bend the tree while it is young." She had died her hair red (my son love's red heads and she decided to do this). She looked nothing like the picture she had sent to his cell. Hopefully, your son can get some counseling because he's overstepped into territory that is out of your area of expertise. He graduated debt free, gave him a car and paid for expenses that related to his career. Another essential step you should consider is scheduling consistent family time. Lori Phillips (author) from Southern California USA on December 24, 2012: Don't make a big deal about their engagement. They're just now experiencing some measure of independence. In a gentle manner, make it clear to your mother that you and the mother of your child will be married soon. The girl was sitting on the couch while my son sitting on the floor in between the girl's legs. The first two weeks of uni he is already not making lectures & wants to defer; he is already aware he is failing and needs to quit. The woman has started expressing dislike for my three year old grandson. They would argue and fight. Please do something for your grandson's safety and well-being. But we keep working at it and we keep the lines of communication open. I've been dating a guy for 2 years now and have always been respectable and kind to his family. Unfortunately, that was the beginning of his down fall. Possible Reasons Why Your Son Is With A Manipulative Girlfriend, 3. My main support is that she liked to undertake Nursing as she said she likes to serve the community and I paid for her registration and now she has received a study loan for the whole year and now has one year left for her studies. My father passed away the day before Mother's day . The same with the girlfriend! Also, she was told that when my son leaves for work in the mornings, she must leave at the same time. Here is what to keep in mind when you're mistrustful of your son's significant other. Believe me, he will want to hang onto that. No, do not encourage it either. Your email address will not be published. 3 Steps To Getting Teens On Board With Your Significant Other: 1. I have tried everything possible to promote my son and help me succeed professionally. also, this girl has done some things that have been very disturbing as well, that would scare any mother. But he was not street smart before meeting this woman. I'm sorry if I'm not giving you the answers you wanted to hear, but they are the answers that will help you save your long-term relationship with your son which is more important than being right or getting him to comply with what you think is best for him. I thought this was bad enough! My son told me a thing or two and informed me that he was going with her. What's something fun that you and (your son) have done lately? After a week I went to meet him for lunch and found out that he was living in his car! Now they want to get MARRIED!!!!! I had spent a lot of money moving from state to start and paid the first year rent all by myself -he refused. The important matter to focus on is that you aren't an underage child or young adult and you don't need your mother's approval for this relationship. APRIL 20 ORIGINAL COWBOY DIES Former NFL running back Don McIlhenny, who in 1960 scored the first rushing touchdown in Dallas Cowboys history, has died at the age of 88. "Let your partner know it means a lot to you to see . Lori Phillips (author) from Southern California USA on August 19, 2012: Hello, Dave. I even renovated her house and spent lots of money but now there is a problem when i support my girlfriend. It's that she's so bloody rude! He will resent your trying to break them up so don't. Please let me know where you got your design. my ex comes as frequently to visit our grandson as he can. Have you ever been to (your family vacation spot)? Luckily she moved in with a mutual friend and the younger child. What's your favorite food? By. For kids who have led the straight and narrow lifestyle for all their lives, the rebel or laid back lifestyle suddenly can feel liberating. It was his first girlfriend. Talking to your son about sex is scary enough but talking to him about what and when it is okay to touch someone and when it's not can be even harder. My son is blinded (21) and doesn't see the red flags all of our family members have seen in his life since he has met this girl and her parents. She won't bath him or put him in clean clothing and seems to be extremely harsh with him. The second court notice (this time with a mediator). First, you might want to have a sit down with your son. My son's girlfriend doesn't like me and has banned me from visiting the Three years ago she and our son told us (not asked us) that they were getting married, apparently because her parents were moving out of state. During this time I have tried to be as kind and helpful to my son and his new girlfriend. Thanks very much! This has caused some problems be But those first loves are the hardest to get over. They attended our sons high school graduation as well as his party. The only thing that saved him is that the kids were in another state. Bryanne Salazar. Sadly, especially sons, they do break away at some point. So I let him waddle in the mess he made for about 6 months - until one day I just decided that I didn't want him to suffer. She's shy and has said she doesn't like how she looks, she doesn't like taking pictures is what she said. Hi Lori. please help.I have a difficulty with my mother currently. My son had 2 vehicles at the time and didn't need another one. Let other life situations, including their immaturity, test their relationship. Published Jun 16, 2015. Asks them questions about how they feel about their situation. I also would remind him that parents are the only sure relationship that would never end. It is always up to us to start the conversation. I have been reading all the stories that you ladies have been posting. Anyways, she began cutting herself when they fought which made him distraught. Then, we told him that we loved him and if he was sure, we would back him up and love his wife, too, but before he made that choice, we begged him to listen to what we had to say. She cussed me and called me horrible names. How can a man, my son, allow someone to treat me as such and why is it acceptable to him? she has anxiety issues and panic attacks and these are exacerbated by any contact with me. He chose a young girl over his own family knowing she disrespected me. The Debater. Lori Phillips (author) from Southern California USA on January 13, 2013: For those struggling with difficult son's girlfriend issues, please read about a very helpful dream in which a mother was given remarkable advice to follow. "The key is to start from . Going through serious life stuff. Let him know that as his mother, you will always love him and support him in finding his happiness. Why not invite them both to join you and your family for dinner. But they're in love and insist that age is just a number. There is a social hierarchy with a code of acceptance or rejection. Two days later, the mom calls to ask me to go to lunch "since the kidss are going to be together". The Debater. Is is possible to have a frank talk with him--no judgment, criticism or forcing of opinion--just to express how you'd like to get to know her? HOWEVER, you can tell your son that if the child's school gets involved, he and his girlfriend will be reported for neglect and this can cause him to lose custody of his child. This content is accurate and true to the best of the authors knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional. Anyway, my heart goes out to each of you for what you are going through. It sounds as though she has problems and your son might have his own self-esteem issues so that he feels better than she is, that he doesn't deserve better or that he can help/save her. I asked my son why she's too nice to our dog and he just told me, she likes dogs too! Just emotionless responses or civil remarks. I returned the last month rent she paid (that is how bad I wanted her out). Anyway, at this time she is refusing to let me see my grandson. Your family cell phone policy should include limits on cell phones at night and at school, and you should monitor cell phone contacts for young kids. So, anyway we moved to another house recently and this girl always comes to my house with her friends and sometimes they just hang out and eat at my house which is okay with me because they're my son's friends. Her hurt will only add to the mess. OTOH, I personally did not know anyone from my group of friends, or relatives, or coworkers around my age who owned a house by their "late 20s" and I can not think of any of my children's friends, co-workers adult children, nieces or nephews who owned a house before their early or mid 30s (or even later). My mom, myself, my family, we didn't celebrate Mom's day this year. For now, don't tell your fianc about all this. This girlfriend of your son's doesn't sound like she would make a good mother or will make him happy in the long run. Our encounter was not awkward and I was glad to see her and hear how her . I find it useful,I have four son one came home with a girl who will never say hi to me when he first start'ed going out with her, I always said hi some time she will just be looking at me, and my son will be there when she is doing this,this is my first son, now my #2 son will tel his girlfriend not to talk to me when he has problem with me even now he send his graduation invitation to his girl friend and a friend, when she see will also not say hi,how can I understand this ,I care for this children when their father left when they were babys is this what I get for 26years, please help me. About 11:45 that evening , there is a knock at the door and girlfirend is standing there crying histerically with her mother. Giving up his own personal hobbies and desires etc. Right now, you are being the major bump. I greatly appreciate your feedback. We'd love to add it to our calendar. my son has been with a girl for 2 years now the family can't stand her. and just got engaged to this girl against what his family thinks! He sees your disapproval as criticism of his life choice. Continue loving your mother and expressing it. I have been helping my mom during this time. A parent lets go of her child at several stages of development, allowing the child to grow up and eventually become independent. This is where all of your loving parenting in the past will be put to a test: Will he trust you over his girlfriend? Be sure in your letter to tell him that there always, always, always will be an open door to your home and heart for him. Accepting your son's girlfriend may be challenging at first, but bringing her into your family will also bring you closer to your son. Still, it would be best if you were careful about how you approach the matter. You said you dont like your sons gf because shes childish, woooah! I would say some of the things here but I don't want to offend anyone. This is why it's essential to listen to the people who know you best and love you most (like your siblings . She translates your disapproval of the relationship as a rejection of her. This woman doesn't care about those things." Ok, that was a year ago. I apologize for not checking in to respond to these comments (deaths in family and other medical issues). My son began dating this girl when he was 17. Things continued to worsen. This is not a matter of "getting along" with his girlfriend. I don't want to talk to my son. then when his guy friends tried to warn him, he "lost touch" with them. You will not get far in discussing this with him or his girlfriend. The thing is that a young man must be getting something from his relationship with this girl. Thanks for the most valuable advice. Her family were disgusted with her, they gave her money each month to subsidise her wages. We have always tried so hard as a family to make her . Don't baby him. it really bothers the family cuz we thought we brought our son up with the understanding that family comes first that you never bring trash in your family and take up for your family! Offer him counselingeven couples counseling before they walk down the aisle. But One day, my niece (she's my neighbor) was staying home. we will never accept her we just don't know what to do. Always communicating and bonding with his siblings and grandparents. As the mother of your child and your future wife, she deserves your loyalty and devotion. Do you dislike the person your child is dating? she also attends college and skips classes often which being under my roof and acting in such an irresponsible way around my younger son is upsetting, my boys just don't do these kinds of things. Keep showing and reminding him that his family is still here and loves him. If there is friction, it is caused by her. Another persons perspective might help him see his girlfriend for who she is. I haven't said anything cos I don't want to hurt my son and put him in the middle of something that he is not responsible for. A son is a son until he takes a wife is an apt saying. She's young and she'll go through a lot of changes just within the next few years alone. Please help me what to do and how would I feel better because I don't know what to say , I feel betrayed.. He had no place to live and had no car (they had even sold the car he had from college) I made him come back home and get himself together. Sometimes, there is no way to save your loved one from his mistakes (and life is for learning and one tends to learn best through making mistakes). I hear that you are being emotionally drained by this. My son recently obtained custody of his 3 year old son after a 2 year custody battle. I only charged her $300 a month rent and she could eat what I put in the refrigerator. Both eyes open, we told him, if he wanted to avoid heartache later. Plus she nevers smiles. That bugs me toooooo death !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1. He ended up in the psych center twice, cops wold get called to my house while I'd be at work, he dropped out of school due to the constant drama. In fact, if you have been too controlling throughout his upbringing, expect that this will be a time for him to establish his own independence. NOW HE IS VERY ARROGANT AND DISRESPECTFUL. Civil towards her. Therefore, she is the one with the greatest leverage to make something happen. It's important not to judge the girl or he will rush to her defense. We did not attack our son's former girlfriend but we only continually expressed our love for him. Plus, you have been a great financial help to your mother, and she might feel that you will be strapped if you also have to support your girlfriend, too.
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